Unique marketing concepts.

You know, there's a large portion of companies out there who aren't capitalizing on their potential for sophomoric jokes.

Take Hostess for example. Purveyor of all things sweet and addicting, Hostess has capitalized on people both old and young by selling a loveable, down-home image.

See: Twinkie the Kid


Now, Twinkie the Kid may be the biggest pussy in the history of advertising, but is he marketable?


The Michelin Man, his twin sister, and 1 billion fatasses across America would lead me to believe so.

So, to be sure, Hostess has the food avenue covered. They're raking in millions of bucks on fatty snack cakes, and revelling in the cholesterol-clogged chortle of their loyal fanbase. But is there more they can be doing? More avenues to pursue for marketing?

I've come up with two which I'm certain would do well were the people at Hostess smart enough to return my phone calls and numerous emails.

#1) Twinkie the Hormonal Adolescent. "Twinkies with Attitude" could be the catchphrase. Far divorced from the kids who come home from a day of snacking on Twinkies, getting lost in the folds of their peers and generally just being obese are a newer, hipper crowd; one which doesn't fuck around with heart scarves or cute sombreros.

No, they need something 2006. Something with some pizazz.

A bisexual, leather pants-wearing Twinkie mascot is the answer; hawking everything from the the latest Linkin Park CD to nu-metal "heartagram" attire.

Call me, Hostess.

#2) Hostess Bra for the "larger" crowd: With the tagline, "It's a Hostess Frisbee Bra for your Ding-Dongs!," the BBW crowd could revel in the comfort, protection, and shimmer of a smooth-riding undergarment.



An understated classiness, to be sure.

I'm crossing my fingers.