Zipping around the fucking galaxy.

Don't get me wrong; I think time-travel is a great idea. I can only imagine the thrill of being able to step into a time machine, dial the clock back to 1962 and hang out with John F. Kennedy. Maybe, you know, go back in time to see what my parents were like growing up. Maybe taste a hot dog at Yankee Stadium when it first opened.

Yeah, time travel would be great. But, of course, there would be some problems. You can't work out the kinks of zipping around the galaxy on an assembly line. You've got to work that shit out through trial and error; through practical application.

I think the biggest problem with time travel would be taking credit for the invention of the time machine. You know, you have your shit all set up, ready to go, and the second the machine is out on the market and you're ready to start collecting checks, a homeless time warrior with a grudge zooms in and suffocates you with a urine-soaked handkerchief.

And I mean, it'd be a recurring thing; the history books being written and re-written as each bold time adventurer travels to claim that he was the first to invent it.

I mean... imagine the Mexican-American border. Some kid jumps a fence, runs into town, breaks into someone's house, hides in a machine, spins the time-dial, and the next thing you know, scientists are chipping the remains of a Chalupa out of a Brontosaurus. History as we know it changes.

Maybe pesos become the national currency. Maybe the dirty sanchez becomes standard fare in the bedroom. All because some guy saw "Back to the Future" too many times and decided it sounded like a good idea.

It’s not all hover boards and Michael J. Fox, folks.